I just walked into the kitchen and my dad was having this uber serious convo
With himself
Fucking love it maybe bedazzle some baby seals? Make them cuter? Who would club a bedazzled baby seal? Only a fucking monster.
it's like everything I expected to see tonight all put together in one at once
that is the greatest description ever
you freaked out because you thought your face lotion was cum in a bottle
doing a bong hit while wearing crest white strips...not such a great idea...
she moaned out jack bauer's name while i was banging her...
Can't show you right now as we are in public and he refuses to let me photograph his penis in a bar.
So "Abstinence August" was a bust. Maybe I'll try for "Sex-free September" or "Only if we're facebook official October"
I would feel worse for you if you weren't waking up between a pair of double Fs that attached to a classically trained chief. Im still jacking off eating hot pockets.
I am his drunk Jesus. I will love him from afar because he's my little lamb
So maybe I got drunk and hooked up with him in a hot tub? I mean that's nothing to be ashamed of, that kind of takes talent. I'd drown.
i found waldo and immediately set him to work eating me out. please have more out of season costume parties.
Good god you suck at this wake up call. Seriously. If I can, after consuming enough vodka to subdue a russian soldier, muster up enough motivation to call you in the morning and send you naked pictures the least you could do is pick up.
The magnum condom fits. I feel like a manly version of cinderella
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
Randomize
