Some broad at the bar just asked me how much money I make. I don't know whats worse, the question or the answer.
I knew the sex would be bad when he slipped the rubber on and said "safe sex activated"
We videoed ourselves having sex... I now know why I close my eyes during sex
so this chick screams out the name doug is bed..not to later do i find out doug is her vibrator
hello competition
my mom said i couldn't bring cigarettes cause it was a family trip, which was really irresponsible of her because now i have to walk around the beach drunk trying to find someone with cigarettes.
Just found a hole in my wall with your left shoe in it.
Don't feel bad sweetie, you're not the only classy one in town. I'm still driving around with that tupperware of tequila in my cup holder from last week's Margarita Monday.
Im eating these cheese filled pretzels. So good. Theres jizz dripping out places i didnt even know i had.
Lets now bow our heads and think of girls with ex boyfriends who were great at fingering them. That's so sad.
The last thing I remember was wearing a sombrero and trying to do cartwheels in the club
You did one successfully. Then smashed into the wall
Thank you contacting dial-a-boner. Currently, our boner is on a run to service another client. You can either wait 2 hours for service, or share concurrent service with the current client.
Your brother's naked in the courtyard again. Just a head's up.
I am the fucking FIFTH wheel. How do you think it's going?
I mean, it was a fun hookup and he's cute and whatnot, but he wouldn't go down on me. Plus he's a republican. Idk why but those things feel like they go hand in hand.
one week and then i'm back on the sexual grind. a party is being planned in my vagina's honor
Randomize
