I think I'd do Clint Eastwood.
...kinda gettin a major gay vibe from you right now.
That was a text you sent me last night.
I really wanna talk..
if by talk you mean have nasty makeup sex involving marshmellow fluff.. I'm down
my feelings for you are synonymous with those of a grizzly bear and salmon. i don't want to nom on you; but i need you to survive
It's really awkward/depressing when you are wearing heels larger than his dick
FYI, when you wake up, please note that I puked in your shoes because I sstubbed my tooee, not becus I was drunk.
I'm trying to have a "pick me up from my house so I can get completely annihilated night" any takers? Cmon people this is what friends are for
Purse pizza: the pizza you buy before the club, and you eat on the train home. I thought you knew me by now!
Think of it this way, instead of a puppy, we're getting a baby.
Except if I'm having sex. In which case you're in the bed with us or out of the room. No halfsie participation.
Novelty of the week: Getting my lipstick back in an evidence bag
Then I did coke with my taxi driver where he then ended up paying me for the drive. You should try being a girl sometime it's super sick.
You dropped my mother on the dance floor. She has a concussion. You didn't apologize. Don't speak to me for a while.
You drunk? Cause I have a terrible idea...
But if you do poop yourself let me know. I want that as a tagline. "So funny she'll make you shit yourself."
I just brought her a lipstick taser. So just remember that the next time you get smart with her
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