Want to have sex later?
This feels like a trap
Should I be offended if he asked if he could use saran wrap to eat me out?
Your last day of twenties? OK. Then I'll give you til midnight. Then you turn into a pumpkin. A big, 30 year old pumpkin.
onest when I told you I'm a paramedic but I'm also a stripper.
I'm covered in sharpie and the girl next to me just said something smells like fried food. Hint: it's me. Why am I in class?
yeah the little voice in my head screaming YOU NEED TO GET LAID eventually grew legs and started kicking me so to avoid brain damage i had to fuck him
After some trial and error I found soaking my balls in maple syurip helps ease the pain.
The bride and groom wore the Batman masks I brought. Best wedding ever.
He tried to reenact Braveheart's freedom scream but got tackled by his drunk roommate who thought he was yelling that the handle he was holding up was free.
I remember you fighting a small man for the last of the pizza. Was there a midget in my house last night?
Just remember: We don't tell our English professor about our fetishes unless she specifically asks about them.
I just woke up and there was a condom wrapper stuck in my hair. This is my life.
Didn't you sleepover at your grandparents?
I dropped my pants and she just stared until she asked how is that even possible? Best night ever lmao
I saw that he had a tattoo of a map of New Jersey on his arm, so i slowed down to like 20mph and pushed him out of the car
Didn't know my clit could produce that many orgasms in one night. Fuck my husband; think I might have to become a lesbian.
Randomize
