Great, now everyone thinks I've had giraffe semen in me
bitch asked me if i cared if she kept her snuggie on while we had sex
You discussed the Arab/Israeli conflict with the guy behind the counter at the Kebab shop telling him you supported his people. He was clearly Asian.
I really wanna know when trying to grow up turned into try not to throw up.
You then proceeded to tell me how good of a cook you were and put raw cookie dough in the champagne.
Let's learn from last year: Leave the handcuffs at home on St Patrick's Day.
you know that feeling on acid where you think the world stops just to fuck with you? That's what it felt like.
The typical response to someone smacking their vodka soaked hand on your face is not to put your face in their crotch
Yeah that's a good idea.. I like to be responsible when I trip my nuts off
I air guitared a man's prosthetic leg on the bar to Bruce Springsteen. That's how it's going
hey at least you are getting hit on, i spent all day researching cat sedatives
I think we should have a sex position advent calendar
I wonder how long it will take her to realize that I peed in her night stand.
What do you mean you haven’t had the fantasy of getting anally penetrated by a tentacle monster?
If you survived your 72 hour masturbation marathon put on some pants and come over. My mom dropped off a lasagna.
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