He seemed more like the type to get donkey punched by a she-male hooker to me
Hey kate, how is it?
sloppy...it's emily. kate just tried to do a keg stand. they dropped her. we're leaving.
Woke up this morning 8 levels higher in Call of Duty then when I started drinking... told you I was better when I was drunk.
I decided to have standards now that i've graduated. No guys without a bed frame.
he was alternating between taking bites of butter and bagel. he said it was easier than finding a knife
She's the drunk girl with the air-horn and sunflower seeds.
I'm amazed your boyfriend is still with you, how do you manage to pee on him while he is holding you in his lap?
holy shit i just had sex in a phone booth i so feel young again
But college guys get to crossfade so there's that
No idea what that is
Like getting bent? When you drink and smoke together...
I'm 30 stop using your cool kids words
Not now. Out of camp chairs. Carving a new one with a chainsaw. Mushrooms are starting to kick and I gotta get this done NOW.
Apparently she "missed me" and the only logical solution was to fuck my brother.
I'm sending him pics of me in my new lingerie telling him to come over and when he gets here I'll have changed into like sweats and a 5 year old shirt with ketchup stains on it
Our lives are a motherfucking joke
Looks like a sea otter shaved my vagina. Keep an eye out for me this weekend, no one can see this.
In case you're wondering... Yes walmart will judge you for buying vodka and pickles at 645am.
Randomize
