I wish I only lived at night.
Her vagina felt like a horse was eating an apple out of my hand..
It's always exciting to touch a new boob.
well..after leaving the bar you handed me your wallet and said you didnt need it cause you were going to find the cash cab and added 'i'll see you on tv'
Would you want me to push you down the stairs OR throw you a baby shower?? Real talk
Dude its so hot it my room I can't jack off. Its gonna be a long summer.
just leaving uw hospital. they thought i had franzia-induced appendicitis. whaaaaat
"guaranteed dick" "anywhere - her room, my room, trees, couch"
Sorry that was quotes about you from the grad student.
She told me to act like the hulk during sex. Shit got 9 different shades of weird
There is a positive side to a sinus infection. Exclusively cowgirl sex. I've convinced her I'd pass out if I had to do the work.
She said she'd heard about my nickname in high school. Apparently sledgehammer isn't as popular as you'd believe...
My dad just accidentally taught me how to make fake IDs. I love my life.
Having sex with my girlfriend wearing my old Tom Brady jersey on the day he's freed is the closest I'll come to a 3way with Tom
My feet surprised me
I wasn’t trying, but work got a lot easier and more fun once he starred flirting with me and looking at my ass
Randomize
