come pick me up. please. i just puked in my lap. bring pants.
jersey shore has given me a vivid depiction of what things will be like for me once i get to hell
dude, i think we just came across a situation where tits weren't worth it.
it's official, i know exactly what cross streets we're at by the bumps when i give him road head
There's a difference between southern and inbred. She just doesn't know that yet.
Oh Brad. Your poor brain, always being ignored for your penis and crazy women.
There are panties and mini bottles of Fireball in my purse. Except for the broken toe incident, I'd say last night was probably a success.
The waitress at the airport bar just asked me if I wanted a "to go" beer, hahahahaha OF COURSE I WANT A TO GO BEER.
I raged so hard that I was so hungover today I threw up out of a car window going 50mph cause my parents didn't pull over quick enough ...sorry to the people behind us
We hooked up last night. I think it was great for our friendship.
Apparently I told him he would be good for human sacrifice.
If I stopped drinking I'd have to take up murdering.
Last night a drunk chick tried to lick me. If you are trying to lick the zombies, you are too drunk for the haunted house.
things i am: 1) still drunk 2) still wearing my leopard onesie 3) still gonna make my 9am lecture despite the odds CAN I GET A HIGH FIVE
I didn't have any choice but to cuddle you. Your hair was stuck on my nipple piercing.
Randomize
