are u sure the monkey wasnt drunk too
Woke up with an epic boner today, the kind where you can spin books and shit on it. FYI: don't try spinning an encyclopedia
Why do my balls have what looks like rust on them?
i'm glad we're now at the level of friendship where we can comfortably discuss the quality of our shit
And the clouds opened up and the sex gods said I hate you alfalfa
somedays, I wish the drugs you give me would convince me they were a bad idea preingestion.
where's the fun in that?
When he sent me a picture, I swear my vag frowned. That tiny.
Yup. Can I borrow your penis decanter for my Xmas party on Saturday
Can we talk about how i am holding a tupperware container of my own puke in the back of my grandparents car while my sister drives
Gonna be hard to top last New Year's Eve when the guy I blew came at midnight
Apparently I was drunk enough to call he police station and ask if there was a problem with me.
I woke up cuddling a ham. That's not a euphemism. I actually slept with an entire ham.
maybe i should limp back to therapy...
oh yeah will you also bring home vodka i wanna do shots on the roof
Normal people find beers in their gym bag, right?
If you get banged by this bartender you know you can't be mad at me right? Its the rules.
Randomize
