i freaking love being in a circle of guys. if i fart none of them suspect me.
The drink u got me is pineapple something w. Cigarete ashes in it.ima drink it anyway
Im not sure if he just tripped or was star gazing, but i gave him head anyway.
maybe almost giving yourself a concussion counter acts a hangover
that ring i bought was worth the 6 bucks. wore it to the bar, told some girl i was recently divorced and wasnt ready to take it off. just got laid. THRICE.
Things are burning & the world smells of peanut butter. It's beautiful.
I just threw up over a bridge. I didn't even know there was a bridge in this town. Vodka is like a transportation device.
there's a guy in the del taco parking lot doing pushups. let's be his friends
Just out of curiosity. Did you wait until my fb picture was well liked by others before liking it so people won't know we're fucking?
i actually texted him "nice to see you" but then there was a saved draft "i think about you when i get off." dodged that bullet...
I lost all of my bathing suit tops.. This is both a success and a failure
the bandages come off on Tuesday. we can try out my new breasts then.
They were arguing about who would hit the piñata first so naturally you tore it open with your hands. You broke the piñata and their hearts.
He texts me "what are you wearing" in the middle of the workday, so naturally I assume he's kidding and respond "the blood of my enemies" #foreveralone
dude it was our first time and her hair caught on fire from the candles on the nightstand
There is no way that actually happened!
the smell of burnt hair covered up the sweaty sex smell.
Randomize
