I locked my keys in my car in front of planned parenthood. I'm terrified of going inside to ask to borrow a clothes hangar.
Just tell them you need to fix a mistake real quick.
would you object to me following you around all the time with a video camera and selling it to TV? Your life could make me millions.
so we were having anal, both very very drunk when he started shouting his roomates name
random question: do you know anywhere in the tri-state that has elephant racing? this is a work related question.
I woke up naked on the bathroom floor. the tile grout marks on my boobs hurt, i mananged to use a roll toilet paper as a pillow. never again. did we eat salad?
She blew me in the back of the cab while eye of the tiger was on the radio. Top five all time automatically
I planned on emotionally scarring him for life this weekend. DAMN YOU PERIOD!
Hey remember that time you called a woman a "man in a dress" and then threw up in a drinking fountain?
She's comparing the feel of breasts to shredded cabbage. Weirdest. Grandmother. Ever.
preface to our conversation: my vagina hurts.
Is it bad that I'm a 32 year old woman that is so afraid of commitment that a hamster is too much responsibility?
Like how hard is it to come up to me with chocolate and wine and say "hey, you're beautiful. Wanna marathon Doctor Who in sweatpants?" Hell yes!
About 98% sure I just walked by some dude jerking it in the library. I'm guessing his college experience isn't going as planned
He fucked me so well and hard that the couch slid into the Christmas tree. I had to pull branches out of my hair.
That's why we have robots to masturbate for us
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