In a few years, 50 babies 50 states. Like it?
Herpes is a lot like Arnold Schwartzenneger. Because it always comes back. Also, because it is usually in some way in control of California.
Shark Week may as well be Shark Weed.
I just drank Colt45 out of a champagne glass. I feel classy.
Colt 45 out of anything is classy.
I just opened up the mens room door to a dude pissing in the urinal and pointing at himself in the mirror
She finally woke up and said, "Me- nothing, potato peeler- 1." And rolled back over.
I think it was our ex-neighbor Mike. He leaves Taco Bell outside our door a lot
He'll drop off his extra tacos at our place bc he's super high when he orders & can't eat them all
I no longer see him as a simple set of male genitalia attached to a very sexy body. The title "trophy fuck" seems wrong. Damn.
I didn't pay for a single drink 'help me I'm poor' was my drink pickup line. it totally worked.
Do I not have a Brazilian bc of my boyfriend situation or do I not have a boyfriend bc of my brazilian situation?
So I've been thinking about this, and I've decided my bed is magic. Every time I change the sheets, a new boy is in my bed. I own the Sheets of Dreams-if I change them, they will come.
Can you get the drug form of snow for the blizzard this weekend?
i made this one couple from ohio so uncomfortable that they left....and that was WHEN I HAD PANTS ON
I'm getting 800 nuggets from McDonald's
I'd kiss your neck and collarbone and then run my tongue up your neck to just behind your ear
And then lightly kick the curve inside your ear
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