I think I'm going to start texting all the people that don't want to talk to me
Nah, I'm just going to keep fucking him until he realizes we're perfect for each other.
I love watching the kids I sold drugs to score touchdowns
We stole a cat. That is all you need to know.
No, no. The rest of his everything inspires me to put his dick in my mouth
Oh, and one of the worst parts... his name was Mario. I fucked a Nintendo character.
I found a door knob in my purse this morning, I hope whoever it belonged to doesn't need it today.
hahahah
I'm glad your nude photos turned out "classy" but you cannot hang them in the living room.
you don't understand it took me an hour and a half to escape that bed, I had to memorize his sleeping patterns.
No, gay couples have the same problems straight ones do; I wish that we could go back to the days when he would shit with the door closed.
Last night I had a sex dream about Trudeau, he hasn't even been prime minister for 24 hours
When you wear a dress that resembles the shape and color of Kirby to a wedding, you get the attention you deserve.
He's getting so into these sexts, I hate to tell him I'm fully clothes, watching Bring It On and eating chips and salsa.
It's bullshittery. It's asshattery. It's complete fuckery at its finest.
It's official we're now working from home permanently. I'm getting paid to have sex and sandwiches. I hit the lottery.
Randomize
