dont you remember the bouncer yelling at you while you were trying to piss?
no. why was the bouncer in the bathroom?
he wasn't. neither were you.
We're trying to decide between cracker barrel an the ER
I cannot believe I said bareback movement...
we can add 'stealing hydrangeas from the sign in front of the credit union because we're too poor to have all of the flower arrangements professionally done' to my list of maybe-felonies
That was the first time I have seen a confused expression with a dick in the mouth
and then you looked me right in the eyes and said "i just really wanna pet some horses right now"
I don't think boys are aware how difficult it is to take a picture of your own ass.
I feel like we shud celebrate your sisters homecoming by having sex in her room
Kinda awkward to hear your aunt complain about loose women when you're in town to be a stunt dick for a swingers convention. Just sayin.
Vodka Vensday. With a Russian accent... It counts.
I got with him in my watermelon costume so ya you owe me $1
Is the Glover Park Chipotle past the strip club?
Why is that your only point of reference?
Just answer the question
Hey, thanks for helping me this morning
Always a pleasure to feed you bread as your body lay crumpled on the floor.
QUICK FAX ME THE BALL
Not how faxing works at all btw
I look forward to getting really drunk tonight and startling some rando’s mother tomorrow morning while she’s up early making a turkey
It’s a holiday tradition at this point
Randomize
