today i learned why jack sparrow loved rum so fucking much
so I'm in athletic shorts, a suit jacket and I'm still drunk at 6:30am at the last leg of relay for life
..and then spiked the maple syrup at iHop
You would think that an uncircumcised man would understand how the hood of a clit works.
I am at 2.05 miles in under 11 minutes. So either this thing is broke or I should always work out wasted.
I pretty much threw up on him while he slept, I had one task today which was to wash the sheets that I threw up on and I turned them pink. I would leave me if I could
Yeah I mean its Vermont, not like id be the first guy to trade pharmaceutical services for beer
I'm concerned I'll look like a hooker on new years eve in this outfit
There are different standards on new years eve. To look like a hooker you literally need to be giving a guy head on the street while he's handing you cash.
and that my friend is why you dont go in for an eye exam and drop 250 dollars on a pair of glasses after smoking a blunt
no dude free pina colada`s taste like what I would expect my penis to taste like except gay-er.
It feels like you stuck your dick in a fire and then branded the inside of me.
low point in my life last night. licked pizza grease off my iphone screen..
I caught a glimpse of his penis. I can only imagine what your mom's vagina goes through because of that penis
I saw seagulls fucking earlier today. What have you done with your life recently?
You know you're an upperclassmen when you go to a party with no makeup, wet hair, weed socks, and no shoes, take a shot ski, then leave
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