she says it's "been amazing lately"
i think basically because i hate her so much i'm trying to break her in half
DOES ANYONE KNOW THE NINJA TURTLES
So after your 27th or so beer, you gave me songs you want to have used if you're ever on intervention.
you took him to the bathroom with you to pee and told him he had to hold your hand..but he couldn't turn on the lights because you didnt want him to hear you peeing..and still got laid. i wish i had your life.
The only word I understood in that whole setence was semen.
I think my vagina was keeping me fat all these years out of self preservation. It's like she knew what would happen if I lost the weight.
we are watching a video on ethics because somebody wrote "butt sex" on the attendance sign in sheet
I woke up and watched my kitten suck on his nipple. Way too hungover to intervene. He thought it was me, so he just giggled and mumbled "mmm girl."
Seriously? God I hope he wasn't lactating.
......... Poor kitty
Oh, and she's that dumb bitch that goes out in public in full make up and sweats with uggs. I hope she falls face first in a bowl of queso and drowns
Well. Your father was, shall we say, privately surfing the Internet when he found a video of you and Kevin. This was on a very public website honey.
By the way, Kevin! OMG good catch honey!
We were walking home from Pluckers (read carrying your drunk ass) and out of nowhere you yelled "Say bitch you got a Facebook?" at a random chick walking by.
1. My arms are cement 2. I wish dogs could answer the phone
Its guy fieris flavor town of suffering™
went out to hit golf balls, ended up doing splits at the bar. you're a bad influence.
I want to ride his face like a jet ski
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