Haha no. But I cannot hook up with you anymore. Especially when you group text people.
the new term for farting is butt boxing.
I think I tried picking up these girls last night by asking them what their favorite color was...I obviously woke up alone
Meh. I'll learn enough German to ask her for a handjob, then I'm out
You never cease to amaze me.
I can't believe I'm wasting this thong on a guy in a sweater vest.
I just got off a plane from Mexico. At least 15 passengers dashed to the bathroom throughout the flight. Can you tell its spring break?
Doing tuck and rolls down a stair case was not my brightest idea
Saturday morning. Went into a study room excited b/c some1 had left a paper w/ an inspirational quote: YOU ARE cApable of aChieving anything yoU waNT. Then I read the bold letters.....
holy fucking shit get me out of here. even the babies are wearing beanies
It's election day and I was just tied up with an American flag scarf
I just wanted to check in on you and you replied with a selfie with your Coney Island waiter and the caption "after his shift we're dropping acid together"
It's my birthday weekend! I'm getting a Brazilian and he's going to fucking Arkansas. Where the fuck are his priorities?
Dont worry, the Canadians are more afraid of you then you are of them.
There was puke outside of my classroom and lecture was half empty. Damn thirsty thursday is intense
Sorry I totally pulled a home invasion on you last night
That was super inconsiderate of me
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