You guys coming?
We are smoking out the bouncer? But after that sure
Old men and throwing up are my life now.
you definitely have a few illegitimate kids
probs. Not too worried about it though. MOst girls are too embarrassed that they let me into their pants that they'll never admit its mine
No period for spring break; use this wisely.
I maybe just had sex outside in broad daylight. At a state park. Please be proud.
I know. I almost started crying. IN WHAT UNIVERSE IS THAT A TURN ON?!
You act as if I'm the first person to pee in the Taco Bell drive thru at 2 AM, I'm sure a lot worse things have happen in that drive thru than my urine.
I would watch the shit out of some full house right now.
Any formal decision about whether we're planning to objectify naked women with daddy issues tonight?
So I was trying to finish off that sick uv whipped and I chased it with yogurt. Not a good idea
I still feel like a bad person. A shoulder to cry on became a dick to suck.
can we take a moment to remember my theory on 'your tongue is a snake that lives in your mouth' because we reached a whole new level of high
He started tongueing his parfait and told "thats what I'd to your ass" in the middle of Starbucks. Of course i brought him home
Date with Air Force guy was nice btw. And for my next trick I'll talk him into fucking me in his fighter jet at 30,000 ft.
Idk what's happening right now but im wearing a tutu and pissed as fuck.
Randomize
