New low: just hacked my moms facebook
He told me he was ok to drive home. Then I found him face-planted in the parking lot.
I make my boyfriend pay for half of my birth control. We call it his monthly rent.
So, do you know where my left shoe is? I mean, we were at a few places last night, and I called them. No luck for me.
It finally happened. My conscience stopped working. I've never felt so free
I feel like a squirrel prepping for the winter on dollar beer nights.
It's tuesday, which means cocktails followed by cocktales.
As a general rule, drunkenness and gymnastics do not mix.
You kept trying to use my cat as a napkin.
If I had really thought it through, I would have bought some Depends, popped one on and made this night my bitch.
Not blacking out at our finals party is my Everest
We compared her boobs to bacon. I'm probably going to have to justify that.
I snapchatted him nudes and he didn't screenshot a single one of them because he's a gentleman.
You kicked me our in the middle of a blizzard with a dead phone. I had to give my watch to a pizza delivery person to take me home. You owe me a gyro too.
My toothbrush tastes like captain morgan
I'm jealous
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