I love family holidays its the only time when playing beer pong, and smoking hookah with my family isnt looked down upon
i kept drunkenly begging people i met to be in my facebook mafia
Please come to History lecture. The kid two seats over is belligerently drunk.
the trail of clothing leading from the bed to the door was in the exact order i needed to put them on. underwear near the bed shoes by the door.
im honestly just eating salsa and looking at his penis
Gravity stopped and i'm discussing Greek philosophy with two guys I don't know. There's someone asleep on me. We need to use their dealer.
The upside of Thirsty Thursdaying with the client last night was that he was so hungover that he didn't want to spend time wrangling over the contract extension this morning.
Boss just said I'm getting a bonus for this. Want to celebrate our anniversary a week early tonight?
This is why I married you.
Dude, double fisting packs of Ramen saved my life last night
Trust me. Drunk Scrabble is not a good idea. Arguments over the legitimacy of the word "Pickle" break out, things are said, friendships are ruined. It's ugly.
Do you miss the park or do you miss us having sex in public?
After closing we did it on every flat surface in the bar. Best use a coaster if you're coming to happy hour today.
I'm not sure what exactly you were planning, but you kept yelling that we were going to need a lot of midgets and a lawyer.
Do you know how many guys' fantasies I've been told I'm a part of lately?!
Just 2. But still.
oh you can't commit, don't have any real ambitions, and love to drink PBR? well.... sign me up!
We found him. He just came running out of the closet with a bruise on his face saying he has been fighting elves in Narnia for a year.
Randomize
