i cant finish this easy-mac because i need it for a chaser.
my mind is a poorly written porno when i'm drunk.
Somewhere between the 2 hours of sex and her urgently rushing to work she manged to steal all $329.33 in my jeans. Worst one night stand ever, she even took the pennies.
She dropped a weight class after every shot I took. I thought I was just drink something magical.
He came home all fucked up crying slammed his bedroom door and all we could hear for about three hours was THIS ISN'T GONA RUIN MYLIFe what happend
I told him I got this chick pregnant and he has to get a new wingman
You didn't even properly utilize my pigtails.
You have no idea what this goes for my ego. I literally made you cum in your sleep.
I just did the walk of shame..with a blanket and a cup that says i will out drink all you bitches. This was not how i pictured 25.
Mom just sent me an email. The subject line is "How to avoid a urinary tract infection"
LET IT GO MOM
All I remember about last st pattys day was I was in a bathtub with full bubbles, fully clothed, drinking out of a flamingo lawn ornament that someone cut a hole in.
HOW DID I LET MYSELF GET SUCKED IN HE HAS A PENIS FOR PETE'S SAKE.
I no longer need a flask. I need a canteen.
Thinking and hoping ice cream is the answer to my problems
Here's the "to do" list i just found on my phone: buy stripper pole, make sex playlist, buy febreeze
you tried to strip tease your way into canada but got arrested instead. don't worry, your mom doesn't know.
Randomize
