i've got a dick and you've got a pussy....what is the problem??
Awkward medical moment of the day: A very obese girl with a disorder that literally makes her hit herself punched herself in the face. Literally. While screaming 'MCDONALDS MONEY'. Right. Beside. Me.
you finished all 5 burgers, started crying tears of joy, and then claimed the tears were actually just 'meat sweats' from your eyes
Here's the thing. I'm really high and have lots of questions about lightning.
EW EW EW EW THAT PENIS BELONGS TO SOMEONE'S FATHER! THAT PENIS BELONGS TO OUR FRIEND'S FATHER! THAT PENIS HELPED CREATE OUR FRIEND! YOU'RE NOT ALLOWED TO ADMIRE IT!
It was like getting head from an anaconda
Who are these men, what are we doing here, how is this helping us toward our goals of sex and pasta? Things to consider.
It's my 3rd annual 21st birthday party. Disney themed. There will be blood.
There is not greater feeling than lying to your boss and leaving work to shit in the comfort of your own home
Beer and tomahawks! Not gonna end well!
Is it frowned upon to bring a flask to the er?
Just opened up the freezer to find chocolate penis popsicles. Too hungover for this shit
I just bought a bottle of lube for my car.
This country song on the radio just had a rap break. What. No. Why.
I love millennial parents. One of the moms at the daycare center literally told me she and her husband named two of her kids after batman characters and one after game of thrones
Randomize
