There's just this way he looks at me that makes me want to suck his soul out through his dick.
I think I found my soulmate. This guy in front of me is yelling about getting laid while holding two beers and texting. I think this is love.
She transformed our coors light pitcher we stole from the bar into a fruit basket...
Drank another frat president under the table. Thinking of starting my own, gonna call it Alpha Phi Alcoholics
I hope this adventure ends at a hospital
I don't care. I'll be that guy that eats cake in a car. Alone. With the doors locked.
Hangover Status: I've been bedridden longer than that kid from The Secret Garden. It's not looking good.
You can't tell me you've honestly NEVER considered smoking a Froot Loop
After the 3rd shot, she was running around singing, "Twinkle Twinkle Big Ol' Dick, on your happy place I'll sit" to your brother.
Put that bitch's torch out. She's been voted off.
For graduation he gave me roses, a giraffe necklace, and a butt plug. I think this might be my one shot at true love
Just come home. We will have sex and Taco Bell. I'm feeling wild, I put on temporary tattoos.
Definitely ended up doing Coke with Chewbacca in the porta potty behind the haunted house.
Its 7am I'm awake still drunk, there is food, random clothing and road cone in my room. I can't decide if this is a failure or a success???
gave out my moms phone number instead of mine last night... thattttttttttttttt dunk.
He was a half hour late. His excuse was that his brother knifed him right before he was going to leave. I didn't believe him until I saw the gauze.
Randomize
