K, im just throwing this out there, i am not making out with any of his friends... Especially the cross eyed one.
I hate you, and I hope you have babies soon that you love very much. Then I will steal them and feed them to sharks, and you will be so heart broken that you never want to have any more kids and you'll just hide out in a dark room all day wondering how someone could feed another persons babies to sharks.
Blackout barefoot maybe pregnant
Good decisions....
Just got blue box Mac and cheese things are looking up
Let's make a pact to never get in a cab at 3am together unless it's to go home or for pizza.
I need to stop drunkenly getting naked. I'm losing all my favorite party clothes.
Mcdonalds hasn't even finished serving breakfast yet and u two are getting drunk?
You went streaking and came back with your shirt inside out. Then said "it happens in the line of duty" and passed out.
SURVIVAL MODE. WE CAN DO THIS. Celebratory survived-working-christmas-retail sex to follow
My gynaecologist hit my g-spot today by accident and for some reason I went "at least someone found it" VERY AWKWARD
Woke up this morning with an extra $35 and someone else's ATM receipt. How much did I drink last night?
Just told myself the phrase "You're not THAT single" while dressing myself
i'm just really offended he didn't want to have breakup sex. like that was the only thing i was really looking forward to
Definitely woke up.this morning to a random girls head in my toilet and her mom knocking on my door.
I got pulled over by the same cop in a 4.5 hour window. Got off both times. Fuck yes.
I feel awkward having to tell people “sorry you can’t finger me because I will get a UTI and I don’t have health insurance”
Randomize
