it tastes like there's a party in my mouth and everyone is throwing up
i was like hansel and gretel. i puked a trail from mcdonalds to our place so i could find my way back in the morning
It hit me after I slept with his best friends and brother, that maybe I took it a bit far
the party was called freshmen disorientation. i was just following the theme
I don't know how, but he made a bong out of a hamster wheel. To say I am impressed is an understatement.
To the person who left a cup of vomit in the bathroom: I commend you for your aim but you are dead to me- not an ideal birthday present.
Ill give you a 4 hour blow job if you make my nephew go to bed.
I think a van full of parolees just blew me kisses. Thoughts?
I have a breathe right strip stuck to my forehead, several inexplicable bruises and I think someone tried to paint my nails with glue, but I still have my Santa hat. I'm gonna call this one a success.
I sobered up and saw I was with the fat one and you had left laughing with the hot one. You're a terrible wingman, but an excellent manipulator
Got drunk tryed walking 12miles to zacks house woke up at noon on baseball park
I just chased my birth control with Smirnoff. Shit's about to go down.
My debit card was between my ass cheeks when i woke up. i vaguely remember putting it there for safe keeping
She's chasing the cat around the house hitting it with a cardboard sword yelling "there can be only one!"
A dozen naked frat boys in squirrel masks just ran by. Welcome to the official start of the holidays.
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