dude we were spooning naked in bed with her ass in my crotch. she sharted in her sleep all over my dick.
We learned a valuable lesson from last night. You can, in fact, order bacon on a Big Mac.
the cops didnt even wait to start drinking the confiscated alchohol from the party
the weed was in a baggy that had little penguins on it. i am so excited you have no idea
Mattress luging...It's a long story.
FYI, when you wake up, please note that I puked in your shoes because I sstubbed my tooee, not becus I was drunk.
Idk yet. Trying to convince him to get a phoenix bird tattoo first
Are they engaged or just dating? Girlfriends come and go but the memory of sex at the pool last forever.
If I'm not up by 8, will you please knock on my door?
That depends, can you stop texting me while you're masturbating?
Touche.
I CAN STILL HEAR YOUR VIBRATOR.
She told me she loves her boyfreind while she was giving me head. He must be a nice guy
Please please please buy brown eye liner on your way home in the morning... I'm missing an eyebrow
I just spent 20 mins in the shower washing n rewashing my body to get rid of stripper. I even loofa'd my face.
I ended up changing her contact in my phone to "O Great Potato".
Yeah last night got weird fast. No lie, a kid pulled a butt-plug with a tail out of his ass.
Rule number 1 of dorm living: do not forget your butt plug in the bathroom.
Randomize
