Someone's got a whale tail
A thong is hangin out?
No, a fatty following them
It was so romantic--he turned me around to face the sunset during doggy-style over the couch back.
nah, shes just mad because we went through all her fb pics and tagged her crotch as all the guys shes fucked
how can getting a pizza be this hard?
when you've been drinking 14 hours anythings impossible
whoever threw up in my shampooo bottle is totally getting defriended on facebook.
i tried to stop you. you just kept saying your split ends needed punishment.
We name dropped you at the liquor store and got a ten percent discount!
Get out here. Doing shots with the delivery guy. Also, the food is here
When you put it that way it sounds like my vagina is a parking garage to be monitored by security guards
i dont trust my judgment anymore so im only going to fuck guys who can donate blood at the red cross. they have standards.
I just crashed on my couch and have no intention of ever getting up again
I will be over with a bedpan and beer
Did you take the bag w/your drugs & cookie cutter?
I swear going to your house is like going to a strip club, no matter what happens I get glitter on me.
Adding to the list of things I have said out loud at the bar that I shouldn't have: "I am the yoda of sucking dick"
His exact words: "I don't have anything you can't treat with antibiotics."
I just spontaneously learned how to embroider at three in the morning.
I also almost burned the house down in the process. Don't ask me how. It's a long story.
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