i tried to light my apt on fire. reasons why drunks and women should not cook
Can we talk about the cons of throwing up in the bathtub. there are no pros.
Drunkenly found an error on my bar tab last night. THANK YOU ACCOUNTING.
well he's currently spooning the coffee table
His dick might not be the answer to my problems, but I'm definitely ok with testing it as a possible solution.
Just think, if your stepsister would've gotten knocked up 2 years earlier, she could've had a TV show. What a bitch.
Lazier than spoon feeding yourself popcorn and debating adult diapers so you don't have to leave the mentalist marathon on tv?
I'm so eating pot-chocolate cookies while preggers. This kid will be so amazing.
Flaming shots last night. Missing an eye brow. There a connection?
It's was about average. But he had a tat on his thigh that said "pull-out n' rollout" so I won't have to worry about a round two request.
I woke up naked except for someone else's socks. Im so proud
Still butthurt there's a framed picture of me passed out on the toilet in my grandparents' living room
I never want to do this again, I'm going to chew off several fingers and apply for disability
My wife climbed on top of me, fucked my brains out, and gave me money from the ATM. I'm living the dream.
I never thought wine and chicken nuggets would end up being a thing that I did, but here we are
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