17 year olds will be the death of me.
OMG A WOMANS PROSTETIC ARM JUST FELL OFF AT BAGGAGE CLAIM
I need you to send me a picture of your dick. I want to forward it to that girl and you and i both know you're more impressively sized
when he was about to finish he told me to avert my eyes and keep my lady parts away. chivalry isnt dead.
This milkshake tastes better than sex. Priorities, I have them.
I will forever be haunted by the image of you hurrying to finish your Jimmy Johns sandwich in the Taco Bell drive thru so you could proceed to order $17 dollars worth of shitty Mexican food.
The worst decision I made last night was allowing myself to be duct taped to the ceiling
At our floor meeting the RA was talking about bathroom hygiene and I really wanted to be like "what about shower sex."
Valid question
If you can get her to make out with you without paying for it, I will personally make you president of the american lesbian league
She wants to go furniture shopping for memorial day so we've gotta go portable
thermos full of jaeger bombs?
Affirmative
Have you seen that new toaster that burns your pics to toast? Let's drink some booze and discuss what I have I mind.
Do not buy a prego test at the Walgreens you frequent. It's awkward. Just trust me.
Just saw a fat guy on a flower print moped. He's my hero.
I just talked comic books with a cop. We high-fived as he was running my name.
Proud of you.
We discussed the legality of being a vigilante. I won.
Congrats, you are the first person our bartender ever met that actually needed wheeled out of a bar in a wheelchair. He said you were his hero.
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