Wish i knew that 10 minutes ago when i told him to dance with my blackberry while i got another drink
I wonder if they've ever made a porno about the song "she'll be comin' round the mountain when she comes"
And all I wanted you to do is stand there and sing who let the dogs out.
college stoner meal of the day: microwaved nutrigrain bars
I've always wanted to pass out in a bathtub
I think most people do. Your only real mistake was turning the water on first.
Also- bikini mowing was a horrible idea. One truck just drove by 3 times, turning around at the end of the block each time. My tan may be better for it but my conscience has been raped.
Pizza toast. It's like pizza but on toast. BC we are broke. OMG its so good.
You would never do this sober.
Just woke up from a first date on the futon watching Arrested Development by myself, him cuddling another chick in his room. Simultaneously the best and worst one night stand in history.
Bonus: took me 2 hours to get home on the streetcar cause I spent my cab money on drinks for his friend last night.
although steph and I had 3 bottles of wine by that point and watched an opera that featured a black dildo so anything was possible really
This drunk lesbian I just met keeps trying to shove sushi in my mouth. Help.
I wore heels to a golf store in hopes of getting laid. I've hit a new all time low.
Sad realization: so long as I use this sleep apnea machine, I will never be the little spoon!
I feel like my life just hangs in the balance of "Yeah I'm probably not doing this right"
No no no, I want to share him with you. Think of it as me sharing a piece of delicious pie with you. He was THAT GOOD.
Oh my God it's like my cock was dipped in lava
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