i think i just saw hanson at the grocery store. one might have been a girl. hard to tell. lets call that one taylor.
why does he think he needs to feed/take me out to get some ass? we are at a bar wasting my fucking time
Great, now everyone thinks I've had giraffe semen in me
Hey was my sperm eye the same day I crapped myself?
it was great that she threw up because that made me the only one trying to hook up with her
the blizzard started in kansas. im debating driving to a bar now so i can get snowed in there for the game
Dude, can't find my socks anywhere....
Yeah, you took a shit in the harbor off a wall, used them to wipe. I'm sure they're still on the beach somewhere if you really want them back
i mean he wasn't bad looking, but i wouldn't have slept with my professor if i knew everyone would get an A
New drinking game: take a shot everytime Jay-Z is played during the NFL draft.
This girl told me she was a virgin the other day. I felt like I was talking to a unicorn.
Dude, she's the greatest salesman alive. she convinced chelsea to buy a box of Cheerios for $20. She can find your dick some willing pussy.
I just look @ having a child spit on you as another form of birth control. I think my ovaries just tied themselves in a knot.
I've blown him while he hit my bong, I've blown him while he played video games and now I'm looking for a new challenge. Don't even try suggesting a blumpkin.
I would just like to go ahead and accept my slut of the year award.
It's like 10 times better than an Oscar
I just thought you should know... Instead of a glass of wine before bed I am having a few shots of 1800. This is what being a night shift nurse will do to you... Standing in your kitchen in your undies doing shots
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