is your mom at the bar?
So is chris hansen cool in person? Or is it just awkward while you wait for the cops?
I just walked into his bathroom to see two poops floating... no toilet paper. WTF!?
Oh. My. God. Best non-relationship, he-might-be-cheating-on-his-boyfriend-but-I-can't-tell-because-of-the-language-barrier sex EVER!
I wish I could have two rating systems on iTunes. "This one is a 5 star. This one is only a 5 star when I'm baked."
Sitting at a bar next to a guy wearing sunglasses drinking a pitcher by himself and having an argument with himself over if journey is more ballin than kiss. Feel better about myself.
Just saw a woman in a hospital gown with a Steelers jersey on top smoking a cigarette while hooked up to an IV outside of the hospital. I love Pittsburgh.
Oh my Christ. I just came so hard my penis stood back up and took a bow afterwards. I need Thai food.
On the 3rd day, she mixed sangria and orange juice and saw that it was good.
my dad has now seen 6 different dudes grab my ass. i guess i should start a list.
I forgot to tell you. Your neighbor was walking his tiny dog and saw me crawl out of my jeep drunk vomiting and holding onto my bumper. He just said: morning! all friendly.
I woke up to Elf. I don't know which one of you put that in my DVD player when I passed out but I appreciate you.
Eaten today: granola bar, pumpkin donut, and fritos. Oh, college nutrition.
i dunno dude, he took his shirt off and is rubbing jello shots on himself. i think he's done
I hate waking up to a room that reeks of bad decisions...
Randomize
