you threw up in thedumpster behind red robin
and kept yelling "DIRTY BIRD"
you were crying while pretty ricky was playing, what did you want me to do
I had to carry you down because your legs weren't moving anymore but you were carrying the weights you stole from that guys room... and that's where the bruises came from.
second attempt at shower sex: failed after the water turned orange bc of a fire up the street. this is just not meant to be
So I think before Superbowl weekend begins we should all take a look back on last year and learn from our pitfalls... AKA no touchdown shots and kitchen crying.
Will you just get over yourself and come over here and give me that dick...then you can go back home and continue to cry over us breaking up. Thank you
Seriously you have a sixth sense. You woke up out of a nap to tell us all to check the clock and it was 4:18. You're like the spiderman of smoking weed.
You gotta pick a side. My suggestion: side with tits.
The stock is going waaaaay up on that picture of my pussy with a bowtie on it.
I think it's time to give up this life and become vikings. You in?
I can't adult today.
Take a nap and try again
I have to buy a couch. There's nothing more adult than buying a couch on a Tuesday.
Yeah, I got home from work at like 9:30, and he was passed out on the couch wearing only a tee shirt and The Jurassic Park theme on repeat.
Just dropped the most perfectly rolled joint into the toilet I just finished taking a shit in, hadn't even had time to flush, 5 second rule?
No!
Heading there now. Already have a boner.
I may or may not have spiked my gatorade to get through a game of monopoly with these children.
Randomize
