tonights recap: old cokehead freind proposed in the middle of a country bar to his trash girlfriend, saw ex-fuck who now has star shaved into his head and another with his gf, and ex-bfs best friends crackin jokes about who would fuck me first. NEVER COMING HOME AGAIN
I wonder what it would be like to be a slice of cheese.
some girl had on jean underwear. i hate america.
Using Dr. Seuss quotes to ask me how badly I want your penis is not appropriate.
He was making tequila spiked Arnold Palmers and murmuring things in Spanish.
I love foreign exchange students.
Somewhere in the night I send my Dad a text stating "YOU failed as a parent"
Announcement: Given the sad circumstances regarding the death of my dearest friend Chong the Bong, there will be a brief memorial service for him tomorrow evening at 10:30 at my place. After sharing some memories and sending his spirit off to the great bowl in the sky, we will all take place in the commemoration and maiden voyage of his son, Chong Squared, who eagerly waits to meet all of you. High blessings to you all, piece be with you.
is it sad that i can honestly say it was the best birthday sex i've ever had and it was still terrible?
Drinking franzia alone at noon watching a cheese themed episode of "The Chew" I'm ready to admit I need a job.
We just had father kitten bonding time .. I was on the toilet , he was climbing the animal print shower curtain . It was magical
Just found weed in an empty handle. Who knew Capitan Morgan was also a gardener?
Woke up in her bed this morning with a half used condom stuck to the side of my face
How can a condom be "half used"?
You don't have to have sex with both if us but I would like a little positive fucking regard.
I managed all three standard threesome configurations a female-bodied person can achieve in just under nine years. I want to high-five everyone involved, but I've lost touch with a couple of them
I'm definitely not mad. My best friend is dating my drug dealer, it's impossible to be mad.
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