Spotted: jayne dropping her cigarettes in a puddle...then picking them back up and putting them in her pocket. If i ever get that desperate, stop talking to me
It's just like soggy cereal, but cancerous
Whenever he makes me dinner its always mini things.. cheeseburgers, corndogs.. is he preparing me for something?
I was at circle k buying gas and this girl in a papa johns uniform comes up and is like " I've got a bunch of extra pizzas. Large peperoni for $5." then she went to her trunk and pulled one out. It felt like a drug deal for a fat person
Is it because I queefed?
angela screamed across the room SHES A CHAMP when i told the pharmacist plan b doesnt make me throw up
I'm eating cereal out of the pocket of my flannel right now
apparently they wrote a song entitled "butt slut" about her... im thinking shes not girlfriend material.
Just went through the drive thru and got 18 free donuts in exchange for half a joint. Dunkin Donuts at midnight might become a nightly thing for us.
I've been alternating between telling people I was mauled by a bear or hit by a car to explain the massive unexplainable bruise on my leg. Slightly more worried now that the car idea is believable.
God that barista is texting me bout his life like i care i mean dude just hook me up with free coffee thats why i gave you my number
I feel like parents watching our children. You want to step in and help them but you just have to let them make their mistakes
I cried over the lack of milkshakes I've consumed in the last month
The last thing I remember is goading each other into a vodka-chugging competition.
You can be responsible and still be on that ho life
Had a vaginal orgasm. I feel like I made sex my bitch.
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