dude you need to get laid
me?
no, the other guy who hasn't been laid in 7 months
oh I thought you were talkin about me
wait
my love horoscope just told me to "say it in frosting" should i take this literally?? i think yes.
just jacked off with my ROTC uniform on. boy i feel like an american.
If Bret Micheals dies..will VH1 have to go off the air?
Putting the night light in my bathroom cabinet was the best idea ever. Awesome for puking while light sensitive
is it mean that i live tweeted about whether or not my roommate and her bf were having sex or were wrestling?
Was almost hungover and got scared, skipped hungover, back to hammered. Fuck real life
Never thought going to McDonald's alone at 3 AM would end with a blowjob outside some random girl's apartment...
Come on kid, foreplay is elementary stuff. It's a vagina, not a sphinx.
Okay, so when I go to meet your grandma, let's do a quick cum check to we don't have another "what's that on your face?" situation.
You know how I said I hit my head so hard I saw two of him and tried to make out with both? Well, it turns out he has a twin.
But I am still fully ok with my life choices as long as the consequences aren't onesies and pacifiers
I'm determined to sit on that face.
the sex got boring after the first three hours
holy shit
He said I have the “Denzel Washington” of vaginas.
Randomize
