I don't want to talk about it. He was like the Little Engine that couldn't get me off.
Do you ever just KNOW it's gonna be a good day? I mean, like in a "just found a Vicodin in the bottom of your purse" kinda way?
I woke up to his little sister feeling me up. I guess it's time to meet the family.
and then the entire party sang the national anthem a capella around the keg.
It's only 11:30 and she's already making friends with the homeless...
Don't get me wrong, I love talking about lube and such, but why are we?
Weed is now completely legal in Colorado and Washington. I repeat weed is now legal! I'm putting a deposit down on a house as we speak.
ROADTRIP.
I found my keys in the basement freezer. Drunk me is a sneaky little bastard.
We couldn't find the paddle I had gotten so he just spanked with my tennis raquet
i was thinking shit as she was saying it. it was a sarcasm time loop
we turned the lights off and all you could see were my glow in the dark stars and his penis
The fact that the praying hands are in my top emojis defines how 2016 is going so far
is it bad that there is a girl in my bed right now and the only thing i can think about is the fect that its after 3am which means i cant order jimmyjohns unitll tomorrow?
She threw my purse across the room almost broke a lamp and this all started bc she forgot what an air mattress was
your fucking longboard fell on me while we were having sex you fucking hipster
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