Last night was proof dads should hug their daughters more
for me the strap perfect is like a chastity belt
Now he's talking about how he's writing in a journal because he doesn't remember "his thought patterns when he was in elementary and that's distressing". I'm walking home. Fuck this.
i think i just put your shirt on , but i don't remember . my body can't decide if it wants to move in slow motion or fast forward
It's total crap. On a side note I watched a porn of 4 guys wrestling in chocolate then messing around with each other. It was like a dream come true
I blacked out after running into my soc TA in the beer garden. came to dancing on the speakers at major lazer and making out with said TA.
winnie the pooh came out of nowhere and offered me a burrito...it was a fucking amazing burrito.
I could not actually bring myself to utter the phrase "donkey cock" in front of my father. Not possible.
Nothing like banging your nurse in the shower while staying in the hospital
I see your creepy poodle photo and raise you a shirtless elderly gentleman who looks like a yetti in cutoffs who may or may not have an ENORMOUS erection.
.... touche....
Literally too hungover to pull out of the driveway. Tried 3 times and failed. I'm going back to bed.
we watched a porno and made a drinking game out of it. best first date ever.
Like who turns down taking a nap inside of someone in 2014.
I feel like I may be the only person who can say they crutched their walk of shame. past the secret service.
Good thing he's hot and my vagina likes him or I'd be at Dennys right now.
Randomize
