o shit let me call u back theres a hamburger in my pocket
I hate having morals and standards the next morning.
Girl in my class with fire painted on her face. I. need. that. weed.
The one from last night got me a whole floor of Eskimo Brothers. There was a celebration of high fiving as I left
I returned her cell phone that I found in the bathroom, I felt the stretcher and the ambulance was enough of a learning experience.
Guess who just screamed "Everything happens for a reason!!" in the abortion clinic. This girl.
I don't think casual Fridays means I can go to work with dried cum in my hair...
They're tearing apart the house I lost my virginity in:(
Oh wow. I almost tweeted #TweetFromTheBackOfACopCarTuesday but I didn't think it was that appropriate
It would be like if I said I had the cure for cancer and my explanation was I like turtles.
Pornhub is still operational. Therefore, the world has NOT come to an end in the blizzard!
You peed in a public fountain and then felt bad so you put dish soap in it; 4 ft tall bubbles.
I swear to god, I'm like....the Jedi master of dick.
I learned three things this morning. Don't get out of my car without my keys, don't let a girl paint my nail unless I'm getting laid by said girl, and lastly I learned how to break into my own car.
The waxing lady fingered me during my brazilian. 40 dollars well spent
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