"Monday" is guna come over...
but its Thursday?
yeah, but she cant make it.Monday can...so there ya go
you handed the cop a condom last night and said "it's all about protect and serve right?"
on the brightside, the semester can only get better from getting a dui at 8 am on the first day.
your optimism is becoming unhealthy
He looked me straight in the eye when he was fingering me last night...it was very serial killer.
Bullshit. No way. If I brushed past your penis it was completely coincidental.
they bet me shots that I couldn't give people piggyback rides around the club just cause I'm 125lbs and a girl...I had a line forming after the third guy.
He's blaming gravity for his problems right now, so put that in perspective
having sex with him is like cage fighting mixed with pilates...the condoms didn't stand a chance...
I think the multiple Sunday morning sirens outside my window are a plot by the cops to get back at me for the shit we pulled last night. Or I should move to a better area.
then you said,"Take this damn cabbage!" although it was actually your shirt. i found you in the elevator of his building.
I just stood on my roof naked pouring vodka onto my garden. sweet dreams
They better not charge my debit card for what you peed on.
Don't blame me. I told you I didn't know if I had a key to those hancuffs.
Your poor dick will look at you and scowl for all the abuse he's going to take this week.
I just drunk texted the Italian guy and now I’m flooded with Shane. Uh, shame, not Shane. He sounds nice, though.
Randomize
