her name is jenna, so i wanna cunt punt her
that's how i am about ashleys and britneys
Im in Brooklyn, he wasnt 23 or a musician pick me up
you only had a canadian ten, but you said it was all good cuz you would just by molson.
Ice cream after masturbating>masturbating any other time
I'd just like to inform all involved that walking into a liquor store holding a milk crate at the beginning of a night as stock ends badly
You should've come to the party. It was like an identity parade of everyone you screwed last year.
The bride and groom wore the Batman masks I brought. Best wedding ever.
I should put together a new mom basket for her. It would have diapers, vodka, ambien, and tissues for when she cries about her wasted youth.
Not blacking out at our finals party is my Everest
You walked up to me, grabbed my face and said "I just peed in the sink!"
Do they sell "congrats in losing your virginity!" cards and do they come in gay?
His encouragement of my recreational drug use is the backbone of our nonrelationship. That, and rough animal sex and loud music.
Today I had sex and flossed at the same time. My relationship goals have been exceeded.
I WAS SURROUNDED BY HAIRY BALLS ALL ALONE.
We made a blanket fort in my dorm room and fucked in it. Twice. I'm in love.
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