he just had his sister send me a message about how he's not a creeper
Was his mother too busy breastfeeding him to do it?
Adam has been drinking
Who has his phone
Adam does
please tell me that the half empty jar of cocktail sauce on the table has nothing to do with my missing seamonkeys
Is it bad when your hot neighbor is crying on her porch, and your 2nd thought is "maybe her boyfriend cheated on her and she'll want to fuck me for revenge sex?"
Perfectly normal.
Getting wasted on top of a casino. My penis is so much higher than everyone else's right now.
I'm staying in tonight, it's my Christmas present to my liver.
You went streaking and came back with your shirt inside out. Then said "it happens in the line of duty" and passed out.
Plus now I feel weird sleeping with you. It's like shooting a three legged deer. It's already at a disadvantage and couldn't get what it's full potential deserves.
That's the last time I send a mass text invitation to smoke a blunt
I think I fucked up my elbow when I tried to fight off the paramedics.
Explaining that I bought them at a strip club gift shop with my friend didnt make the furry handcuffs seem less weird
In other news, I woke up still drunk and I think I literally just broke the Guinness book of world records for most bloody Mary's in one day...
I'm really ok with inappropriate relationships. They are my favorite of all the relationships. No need to be timid. For crying out loud.
just wanted to eat pizza off his dick so he let me and he can never forget it
We got drunk, we had raw sex and we discussed about the showrunner change in Doctor Who, in that order.
Randomize
