Am I allowed to make my facebook status "loves farting in chairs"? I think it would shock every boy that I am friends with.
she just stood in the kitchen yelling "REAL WOMEN HAVE CURVES"
There is a such thing as a wonderpuss octopus. Officially my new favorite animal.
so i wake up and the chick who i had sex last night left her phone number. next to the number was a broken condom. should i call?
i woke up with toilet paper straight tucked up in my underwear wearing a pizza sauce mustach. I dont think i got laid last night.
Its a good thing the lights were off cuz Im pretty sure the look on my face when I touched his penis would have offended him
Its official. 'Jingle Bell Rock' gives me a boner. Thank you Lindsay Lohan & Rachel McAdams.
what's the name of that soccar player i bit again?
Apparently you need a permit for a flamethrower.
Idk. Im in a bed. the walls are wood. There's a deer mount.. im afraid to turn over and see who's next to me but he's violently cuddly.
Life gets in the way of sexy Saturday sometimes
It's a sad day when you can't take off your pants and drink a margarita at work.
I'm not winning any crowns in the Miss Emotionally Stable pageant either...
FUCKIN BIRDS ARE CHIRPING AT 4 IN THE MORNING. THE SUN ISN'T RISING YET MOTHERFUCKERS, GO BACK TO YOUR NESTS.
Got my period and a UTI on the same day. Fuck you, Sunday.
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