I wouldnt endorse that guy if he was walking in a walkathon to raise money for a disease i had
Just saw a bouncer shoot a stripper with a squirt gun. He looked at me n said,"gotta keep em in check." I'm in love with this place
The straight man in me wants to hit on her. But the gay man in me wants to compliment her on her awesome outfit.
So a list of things I should stay away from bringing up at dinner with your fiance tonight?
1) you and I went to a strip club 2) i saw you topless at said strip club 3) i cried when we watched the Real World
My stepdad and I just tag-team hit on a server at McDonald's. This is the man I should have grown up with.
Drunk me Does not appreciate a drunk, naked you kicking me off the couch at 3am. You have a bed here, you dick
I let him fuck me in a batman costume. Don't talk to me about needing to read fifty shades gray.
Puking on the side of the road and legitimately just got a head nod and thumbs up from an 80 year old man on a Segway... What the fuck?
Still slightly drunk, sitting in Hyde park village. Two small children are dancing and singing "call me maybe" on the fountain in front of me. Am I hallucinating?
Maybe don't sell him so much adderall next time. The other day during finals he was convinced that he could see the "molecules of life in the air" and kept reaching up slowly to grab them.
It was an all night sausage fest and I was the lady of honor.
using my tits for other peoples nudes hit me up business in the making
She woke up next me in bed and told me to stop driving so fast.
Every time I see this chick she's swimming naked at a pool party. That's gotta mean something right?
The party pretty much ended once she shit on the couch
Randomize
