take 3 tylenol pm's and try playing basketball.
Do you think if Santa was real that he's have a big penis?
hes totally cute, too bad i slept with his father
She devotes each year to either men or women. I waited all year for her to be straight, tonights the night.
stuck in traffic next to occupy boston. smells like patchouli and unshaven pubes
I have no idea why I said that. I have no idea why anything happened last night, I broke my toaster making a egg. I'm going to quit drinking.
I spent part of my valentines extracting candy hearts from a woman's vagina. The entire time I was thinking "this job pays for my Mercedes. This job pays for my Mercedes. This job pays for my Mercedes."
When I was drunk texting him about three ways he seemed more interested in just seeing me. And that's when I knew something was wrong with him
I want to but I can't have a boner while doing a install and working with a customer
Because talking after sexting is equivalent to cuddling after sex
God dammit everything I said last night about jungle juice being awesome just does not carry over into the next day
One sec I was having the time of my life, the next I was shitting water
I'm not too sure what happened last night, but by the looks of it, we must have gotten drunk with zebras.
I wonder if the sex shop has any Black Friday deals.
she referred to her cum as “pussy butter” so needless to say we had a good night
Randomize
