just brushed my teeth with a bottle of jack. ew. not all it's hyped up to be.
Once you realized you couldn't finish the 30 you started walking down the street and leaving a beer in everyone's mailbox
my host sister just stared at me as i knocked over the lamp, then took out all my chocolate, walked into the bathroom, and locked the door. i'm officially the worst exchange student ever.
hi sober isdnt real. this is a mass rtoomate taext i thing. bye
AMAZING.
he ate me out like he was chugging a beer.
Should i put up a tasteful banner for your party that says last chance to sleep with maya?
100% truth: never tied someone to a bed using 4 pairs of sweatpants before
Most senic walk of shame ever. This is why you go to school in Hawaii.
I'm going to have to have a long talk with god if my soul mate has a prince albert
Everyone here knows me as 'that chick who will most likely steal your girlfriend'. My 99% success rate tells me this name is acceptable.
My life is a clusterfuck of men and disorderly priorities right meow.
Prerry sure I narrowly avoided being tazed by a swat cop last night... But on the up side, we found my purse.
Apparently there was a black out and the security alarms went off except I was convinced it was the microwaves and made ben unplug them all then got really frustrated cos he wasnt doing it right
If you enjoy dance recitals as much as I do, that's one shitty Father's Day...
Bleach your asshole, I'm on my way.
Who is this?!?!
Randomize
