this girl is running around outside screaming, it's creaming on me! it's creaming on me. I totally have to find my video camera
just accidentally masturbated with tiger balm. best. accident. ever.
my dad just referred to me and my boobs as 'the three of you'
If there was a game called "keeping your legs shut," I would lose every time.
first day of class and my professor asked me if i was going to come to class drunk all semester.
well what she called a "work function" most people call "doing shots with your boss while people throw napkins at you."
If only guys knew how much awkward ass shaving goes into making sex this good...
We got kicked out after you decided to chase your shot using the soda gun behind the bar.
the game I always play with drunk me is can-you-button-and-unbutton things? If the answer is no, go home. Usually it's his pants
I ate goldfish off your shoulder, I think we had bigger issues
Well, remember that night we took shrooms at graces an had to leave immediately to go home and hold each other on the futon and sob for four hours? That bad...
Look at the picture I MADE him take with me...like why??? He's holding my foot?
He started tongueing his parfait and told "thats what I'd to your ass" in the middle of Starbucks. Of course i brought him home
are you fucking roseanne barr in there?
And I got shut down by a ginger. It was a weird night
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