he held my hand while i was giving him head. freud's gotta be turning over in his grave
I never once brought up his unibrow when he was insulting me. That's class.
He invited you over for Super Sexy Saturday and Cosmos... I'm pretty sure that's gay
Walked into the bar with my burrito and ordered a round of shots for everyone. Not sure if I want to look at the credit card statement.
I heard about the break up and if you need a place to stay my vagina is open for you 24/7
All I know is he mentioned whips, leather cuffs, and a riding crop. It's like Halloween, Christmas, and My birthday all in one. a 5 year old couldn't even possibly be this excited.
Apparently we were just playing "bang a bridesmaid". I'm not sure if I won or lost...
I swear some just paged for more cock rings over the intercom.
She was wearing some slutty variation of a toga and giving the entire bus a pep talk on why we should black out tonight...I'M IN LOVE AND I DON'T CARE WHO KNOWS IT!
Between this new vagisil cleaner and these cranberry vitamins, my vagina feels like a new women.
My house is about to be spotless and the only person visiting is the plumber and not the porno kind.
Please clarify that he is speaking of beer pong and not rough sex
Where is Holly?
Nevermind. i can hear her having sex two doors down
It's been THREE DAYS. Why do I still have the munchies?!
Well, he was practically tripping over his dick to get to me so I'd say my new dress was successful
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