she is unbelievable! ever pee on a girl?
not while she was awake
Just realized our kids will one day call us old because we were around when texting came about. I'm sad.
i was picked up off the floor by a stripper, if thats not a new life low then i dont know what is.
He needs to realize that there's a big difference between "I love you" and "I love your dick"
also, I just found three random bruises on my knee. probably from when I was velcrod to the stairs
I Know I'm the drunk girl in the trunk right now, BUT PLEASE LISTEN TO ME!
you want your laptop back?
are you giving me my laptop back, or cashing in on our break up sex?
both.
come over.
Im at target. Idk why I'm buying condoms AND a tutu for my cat. No one who dresses their cat up has ever gotten laid.
And now thanks to shrooms we all got a terrifying glimpse of what goes on in his head. I will not say I didn't see it coming when it turns out he made a suit out of people's skin
His mom already thought we were lesbians BODY SHOTS WERE JUST NOT AN OPTION SORRY
Germany has fetish clubs for everything. We are going to Germany. Germany is our friend.
Hi I am too sober and out of rum. Translation: I owe you some beer. Also, get better taste in beer.
We are gonna sacrifice to and pray to every god in this world that he doesn't find out about her sleeping with his old roommate.
I'm kind of upset that he wanted to have sex instead of watch Harry Potter. I mean it's Harry fucking potter.
I wanna print it out and hang it on the fridge like parents do with good report cards.
oh the joys of a picture of a negative pregnancy test
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