i feel rough
just turned on the light, there is blood EVERYWHERE.
My mom gets in bar fights. She doesn't go to bed early.
I want Jason Statham to talk British to my vagina.
I got kicked out of an open bar wedding reception. The bride "felt threatened" by my presence. Not my fault she's ugly
So apparently the christmas orgy was a complete disaster
I had 5 long islands and 2 alien brain hemorrhages…I am entirely certain that the "power hour to finish the night" idea was just too much.
Been in bed for 16 hours. Haven't eaten in 18 hours. Haven't pissed in almost 20 hours. Fuck you Stacey and your former reign as laziest bitch. I got the title now.
That time we were having sex when you were super drunk, I kept yelling out, "Oh God," and you said, "You're going to need him after this." Idk why I suddenly thought of that.
They just broke the window so they could get in and smoke the taxi driver out...
So baked. About to eat a calzone then hate fuck this guy.
THAT'S MY GIRL
I said his dick tasted like a Hawaiian Sweet Roll. And then I yelled MAHALO.
I just wanna get drunk and go sledding in my kayak
My walk of shame turned into having to get his dad to tow my best friends car out of the snowbank in his driveway
its the 14th virginity that counts the most anayways
So the makeout sesh? Not so great. His stubble rubbed my face raw, he tried to push me towards auto-erotic asphyxiation, and he licked my forehead. Twice.
Randomize
