I have a critically important question to ask.
Why does watermelon-flavoured candy exist?
I feel so grown up. I just went to home depot to buy actual home improvement supplies instead of stuff to make a bong with.
Well he's not a stripper, so we're already doing better than my last date.
Who the hell poured a whole pouch of Capri Sun down my throat last night?
I didn't just get this from the chlamydia fairy.. You should probably get tested.
A gay black guy with blonde hair and a gold tooth just told me he would shit on my face.
Now it's a party.
Ohhh,that's true. Babies are only fun when you're high. Otherwise, they're the worst kind of people.
I'm sorry for gagging during our first time having sex
I was drunk
Please answer
I snorted a few ambien and woke up here. A lady banged on our door, waking us up, demanding our towels.
Haha. Maybe he's one of those feminine men who fucks like a god then makes you fantastic crepes afterwards
I laid naked in his bed as he brought me an ice cream sandwich so I would say everything worked out great
Are you trying to say I've made an emotionally well rounded transformation similar to the Grinch?
My friend just got engaged and I'm setting vibrators on fire.
Your life rocks...
Also, we can't be seen together looking suspicious or sexually satisfied
No no. Thank you. Killed multiple birds with one penis.
Randomize
